Storms

    I want to be real here. I could paint this process in beautiful colors and lines, and although I know without a doubt that the end result will be a beautiful picture, that beauty is enhanced by the sometimes not so pretty lines that it is made with. 

     At the same time our adoption became public, a whole new world opened up to us that we never knew existed. Full of resources and information and connections that I am so thankful to have. These things will surely be invaluable to us as we walk through the next months. I am so thankful to have it, and SO overwhelmed by it at the same time. When we were able to make our announcement, our decision became more real to us. The true weight of what we are doing has hit us head on. Not enough to scare us away, for our boy is worth every bit of all we have, but enough to give me panic attacks when I think about the magnitude of what we have done. I do believe this might be what Peter felt as He got out of the boat. It is a longing, we know it is right, it is amazing in fact. When our vision is locked on Jesus, a miracle does not seem impossible at all. Yesterday, before we made our announcement we were in the boat. We stepped out when we hit post. Today the waves threaten to over take us. I saw a figure of the amount of money another family is gathering to take on their trip today. I had seen the same one on paper on more than one occasion, just like Peter saw the storm before he got out of the boat. But this time, I was out of the boat. The waves seemed much scarier here. It threatened to swallow me. I am choosing to quit focusing on the waves, My God is much bigger than they are. He controls the waves. He called us out of the boat, no doubt He will hold us up in the storm. Our situation seems impossible when I focus on the number, but the Savior is standing there. He wants for our eyes to stay on Him alone. If this was possible for us, it would not be His story. It is a little bit scary out here, but we stand with the One who has called us out of the boat. He stands with us. He did not get in the boat and double dare Peter to step out. No, Jesus did not so much call him out of the boat, as He called him TO Himself. Moving to my Jesus is a lot less scary than moving out of my boat.