90 Percent

This is the number that floats around the advocacy groups I am in. Ninety percent of babies with a prenatal diagnosis of Down Syndrome are killed before they take their first breath. I think I'd have better odds of survival jumping into a shark tank than a baby in utero that gets a Down Syndrome diagnosis. That astounds me. How? Why? I do not understand.

Some would argue that they are choosing to end a life to ease suffering...

Who is suffering?

I have come to know many people that carry an extra 21st chromosome and not one of them is suffering because of it. Just the opposite, in fact. They come in every shape, size, color, and personality. But they all share a zest for life that most only wish for. They share a fierce passion and love for life itself. They are not suffering.

Some would claim that they do not wish to burden their other children and family as a whole...

It is a fact that most siblings of children with special needs are incredibly amazing people. They grow up to do amazing things because they see what perseverance looks like on a daily basis. They see firsthand that life is not always easy, but that hard work pays off. They grow up to change their world for the better because they are filled with compassion and a love that drives them to great things. I have seen that grow and develop in my own typical children. Having their brothers join our family has made them better.

Some say that the risk of the pregnancy is not worth it...

Everything we do in life entails risk. We could choke on a piece of cheesecake, but we choose to eat it and find delight. We could get hit by a car crossing the street, but we do not lock ourselves in the house. Every single pregnancy is a risk. But life IS worth that risk. And a child with Down Syndrome is worth no less than any other child. 

It is time that we, as mothers, see the truth and stop falling for the lies. Life is precious. I look at my boys and cannot help to feel brokenhearted when I think that there are 18 others, so much like them, that were not given the chance to live and to shine because they were diagnosed with an extra chromosome while still tucked away in their mother's womb. 

These children are a gift and a treasure. If you recognize that, but cannot parent that child for some reason, there are literally thousands of couples waiting in line to receive such a gift. You can find out more about the adoption option here. 

Coming Home

On the final day of our trip home, we set the alarm for 2:30am. We got ourselves ready, packed the last things into our bags and cleaned the apartment a bit. We put our sleeping boys into their snowsuits and went down to meet our driver. We drove out of Kiev while it was still covered in night. We were in line at the airport when they began check in for the first flight of the day. Saying goodbye to the last of our team in front of customs was bittersweet. It is very strange to be so connected to people you've only known for such a short time. We were excited to take those final steps home, but it was very difficult to say goodbye to these people and places that had become such a huge part of our family's story. We said goodbye and stepped into the line to go through customs at the airport in Kiev. We had gone through 3 other times during our adoption trips, but it never ceases to be a bit nerve-wracking. We went up when it was our turn and handed over our American passports and the boys' Ukrainian ones. They stopped at the boys' and asked for our paperwork. We started sweating a bit as we handed over our court decree and the birth certificates that had our names on them. Our officer promptly stood up and carried all of our documents across the airport and disappeared in a door without saying even a word, just motioning us to stay where we were. And we waited and waited and waited. We watched the other passengers go through the open lines as we waited for probably 10 minutes, having no idea what was going on. Finally, he came back, stamped the passports without a word and motions us through. All we could do is look at each other and smile. Our flights were incredibly easy and yet equally exhausting. The boys did so well on the flights, but neither of us could sleep because we each held a baby. When we touched down in the US, we cheered as our boys were officially American citizens. And then we ran our way through customs and immigration so we could catch our last flight home. We got to our gate as they began to pre board our flight. I took the boys into the bathroom one at a time to change their diapers for our last small flight. I used the last of the diapers in the diaper bag, but instead of repacking more from our big carry on, I figured we'd be okay on the flight that was just over an hour long. After all, they were both in fresh diapers. I carried Tobi on and had to sit in the very back of the full flight. Marvin had Josiah near the front. As soon as our seatbelt light went off, I saw Marvin pop up and start moving his way back. I wondered what he was doing as he had the bottle he needed already. He looked at me and said that Josiah needed a diaper. The diaper bag was out and the carryon was checked at the gate because we were on a full flight on a very small plane. I think he glared at me when I explained that I had no diapers. There were no other babies on board for us to borrow one from. He went back to his seat with a very stinky baby and I quietly rejoiced that we had traded babies after the last diaper change. Meanwhile, Josiah's diaper leaked on Marvin and began to make the other passengers take notice of an odd smell. Marvin covered them both with Jojo's blanket and looked out the window as the stewardess called into the pilot to make sure that there were no mechanical issues with the plane. Nope, it was just my baby :) Marvin was not happy by the time we got off that plane. He took Josiah into the bathroom of the airport and changed the diaper and all of Jojo's clothes and washed his pant leg. I tried hard not to burst out in laughter as he walked out of the bathroom, looking less than pleased. And with that, we walked out of the terminal to be greeted by our welcome party. Leading the welcome were our kids, eager to hug their new brothers. It was a beautiful thing to see our 2 worlds, up to that moment separated by an ocean, finally come together. We made our way home and relished being under one roof. And then we crashed :)

Tobi sleeping on flight number 2

Josiah enjoyed the changing tables in Frankfurt

Finally home

Gotcha Trip (Part 2)

 We set our alarm to go off at the boys' first scheduled morning feeding the next morning in hopes that we'd be able to time everything around the medical visit that all immigrants have to go through in order to get a visa for the US. Not much sleep was had on the train. It started out freezing and turned into our own personal sauna. The babies were used to the heat, but Marvin and I were pretty miserable. When the train stopped, finally in Kiev, 12 hours after we boarded, I was SO glad to be out of there! We met our team and quickly made our way to the cars that would take us to the medical appointment. We got there and were amazed to see the chairs on both sides of the long corridor filled with waiting people. Everyone was nervous because ours were the second appointments after a law change issued by the US. We had no idea what to expect, but it was quick and pretty painless. Except for the doctor, who was peed on by not one but both boys during the exam :) We went to a little cafeteria inside the medical building and ate a bit and fed the babies while our paperwork was completed. As we left, we were told we had 3 hours free before our final appointment at the embassy. We asked our driver to take us to shop for some souvenirs. We went to a street side market where our team was obviously known. We shopped and had one last cup of amazing coffee at the famous pizza place across from DAP (where the initial meeting in Kiev is held). Once our time was up, we headed to the US embassy in Kiev to get our boys visas. I had never been in a foreign country before. Therefore, I have never been to a US embassy on foreign soil before. Let me tell you, it is an amazing experience. We signed our paperwork, answered some questions, swore an oath and then were handed our boys' passports, complete with visas. We were also handed a sealed envelope with the paperwork that would make our boys Americans upon stepping foot into the US. After that, our driver wanted to take us to eat dinner in a traditional restaurant. As good as it was, we were deliriously tired by that point :) We were so happy to walk into our apartment for the evening. We gave the boys their very first real bathtub baths and then we all crashed hard. We had to be up and on the way to the airport at 3am the next morning.

"Waking up" on the train

 Jojo shopped until he dropped and took a quick nap

 A REALLY quick nap :)

There are no seat belts in the cars in Ukraine, much less carseats. You just hold on tight and pray :)

The restaurant in Kiev

A fully clean Tobi boy after his first bath

Jojo squeaky clean

The very last night that these 2 were put to bed in Ukraine

So Glad We Gotcha! (Part 1)

One year ago, we walked into the orphanage one last time, carrying two small bags that held outfits for our boys. We also had loads of diapers, toys, and gifts. It was a whirlwind, not the sentimental time we had thought would surround our goodbyes. In fact, we did not get to say goodbye in person to so many that had become dear to us over the weeks we spent there. We had spent the day in Donetsk waiting to see if the passports would be done in time to make the overnight train. We drove back just in time to purchase our train tickets and pick up our babies.  We split up at the door, Marvin heading to get Tobi and I went on to the infirmary, where Josiah was waiting for us in isolation. I handed over his bag of clothes to the woman that we began to call Babushka during our stay. She disappeared into the back and I got the meds that he was on along with a schedule to give them from the head nurse. Soon after that was taken care of, our little guy was brought out. Babushka was so proud to hand him over, tears running down her cheeks. As I held my baby boy, knowing that I would never have to hand him over to a stranger ever again, a beautiful and unexpected thing happened. Babushka put her hand on my cheek and gave me a hug and kissed Jojo. She looked at me, and although we did not share a language, we shared a beautiful moment together. And then we were swept away and down the hall, where Marvin was waiting with Tobi and we met up with the other family we walked this journey with. We stood there for just a moment, taking in the weight of it all. And then we were off. We had little time to spare before we had to board our train. As we sat in our train compartment, across from each other, I tried to soak in all that had occurred in those few hours leading up to that point. It happened so fast that it almost seemed unreal, and yet here we were with our sons. For the first time, outside of the walls of the orphanage (or hospital). For the first time, our sons were truly ours. It was the craziest thing. And then the moment was broken as Josiah spit up all over everything and they both needed to eat. And so the marathon gotcha day began!

Tobi's night time nanny preparing to put on the first outfit that belonged only to him

Tobi's nannies waving Paka!

Josiah with Babushka and a night nurse

(The isolation area is just through those doors under the clock)

"I will not leave you as orphans, I will come for you." John 14:18

No longer orphans, but sons and brothers

Josiah and Mama settled on the train

The boys on the train...

So you're my brother, huh?

Marvin and Tobi sleeping on the train. Jojo and I mostly just hung out together while these 2 slept the night away.

Can't Help but Think of Her...

     I think about Tobi's birth mother often, but even more so this week as his birthday approaches. Does she remember his first flutters inside her womb? Did his birth bring her joy for even those first moments of his life? Did she whisper sweet promises and love in his newborn ears as he snuggled close? I do not know how long it took the doctors to declare that he indeed had Down Syndrome. Did his mother decide in that moment that she would walk out of that hospital without her sweet helpless newborn baby boy? Did she tell him goodbye? Did her heart ache for him in those first days that her body continuously reminded her of his presence on this earth?  Is she thinking about him? Is she worried about him? Does she think he is still laying in the crib at the baby house or has she somehow received word that he is now part of an American family? Does she realize that she gave up a treasure the day that she signed those papers? Does she understand all that she gave up that day? Does she hope for his future? These and so many others that I will probably never have answers to. There are so many things that I would tell her if I could. The first thing I would say is thank you. Thank you for giving him life and for giving him a chance. My mother's heart hopes beyond hope that she loves him, even if that love is buried under a rock hard callous. I pray that that deep part of her heart knows that he is daily snuggled, loved, taught, fed, cheered, and cherished. I love her son because he is my son.

I did not feel him move within me, but my heart ached for him from across the ocean.

The moment they placed him in my arms, I felt great joy and anticipation for the future. 

I whispered sweet promises and love into his little ears as he snuggled close.

I know I was given a great treasure the day I was named the mother of this amazing little boy!

 on the way to court

 later that day-our first visit with OUR SON

the nannies put this American flag shirt on him to celebrate that day with us :)

I may never know the answers to these questions. I'm not sure if Tobi will ever have questions of his own. I pray that whatever questions he has, that the one he will never have to ask is "Am I loved?" Because, my little man, you are loved beyond measure! I do not have answers to the questions of the past, but I have great hope and anticipation for the future.

Orphan Sunday

It is here again, that day each year that churches of the world are focused on orphans. Adoption and orphan care are very near and dear to our hearts, so I love that this day roles around each year. Last year, we were working hard to save 2 orphans a half a world away. This year, we dedicated those sweet boys, orphans no more! We have seen these once orphans bloom and come alive right before our eyes.

 

 I love orphan Sunday, but I often wonder why do we, as the church, need an orphan Sunday? The Bible is pretty clear about what constitutes pure religion. What does it say for the body of Christ that we can wrap it up in a pretty bow and nice words one Sunday morning a year and then go about our business as usual? Why are there still so many orphans? Why are so few in the church burdened for them?

We brought home 2, but we left behind so many more. Those faces and longing eyes will stay with me forever. While the body of Christ has moved onto the next order of business, thousands upon thousands of those children still wait. I just do not understand. We pray that God will find families for them, and I often wonder if He throws up His arms and says, "I HAVE!!!! They just refuse to see what I have done for them and act!"

 I am going to make a lot of people uncomfortable here. I hope that the cute pictures help a little bit. Church, we NEED to rise up! We need to get uncomfortable for the causes that are near to our Savior's heart! We need to quit believing the lie that we are put on this earth to be comfortable! NO WE ARE NOT! That will come for every believer in heaven, but that is not what our time here on this earth is for. We are here to be His hands and His feet. How are we doing? Right now, we are failing miserably. If we are going to call ourselves followers of Christ, then we need to make sure we are following Christ! We get so caught up in looking cute, finding the right boots and accessories for that new skirt. We get caught up in carpet colors and what songs we are gonna sing in the morning service next week. Meanwhile Jesus' heart breaks and thousands of children fade away. I feel so often that the church is a lot like the disciples who shooed the children away to tend to the "important" things. Church, we are supposed to be Jesus' hands and feet. We need to quit seeking the things of this world and BE His hands and feet. Tobi and Jojo are home and bless us beyond belief, but the orphan crisis remains. We all need to fall on our faces, repent, and ask God what we can do. Then we all need to get up and DO it. If you are waiting for a "calling" before you move, here are the very words of God. 

Psalm 82:3 "Defend the poor and fatherless: Do justice to the afflicted and the needy"

James 1:27 "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."

John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you."

Now, we need to heed the calling, for He has called us all, in His very own words. It is time to be His hands and His feet.

Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven."