Can't Help but Think of Her...

     I think about Tobi's birth mother often, but even more so this week as his birthday approaches. Does she remember his first flutters inside her womb? Did his birth bring her joy for even those first moments of his life? Did she whisper sweet promises and love in his newborn ears as he snuggled close? I do not know how long it took the doctors to declare that he indeed had Down Syndrome. Did his mother decide in that moment that she would walk out of that hospital without her sweet helpless newborn baby boy? Did she tell him goodbye? Did her heart ache for him in those first days that her body continuously reminded her of his presence on this earth?  Is she thinking about him? Is she worried about him? Does she think he is still laying in the crib at the baby house or has she somehow received word that he is now part of an American family? Does she realize that she gave up a treasure the day that she signed those papers? Does she understand all that she gave up that day? Does she hope for his future? These and so many others that I will probably never have answers to. There are so many things that I would tell her if I could. The first thing I would say is thank you. Thank you for giving him life and for giving him a chance. My mother's heart hopes beyond hope that she loves him, even if that love is buried under a rock hard callous. I pray that that deep part of her heart knows that he is daily snuggled, loved, taught, fed, cheered, and cherished. I love her son because he is my son.

I did not feel him move within me, but my heart ached for him from across the ocean.

The moment they placed him in my arms, I felt great joy and anticipation for the future. 

I whispered sweet promises and love into his little ears as he snuggled close.

I know I was given a great treasure the day I was named the mother of this amazing little boy!

 on the way to court

 later that day-our first visit with OUR SON

the nannies put this American flag shirt on him to celebrate that day with us :)

I may never know the answers to these questions. I'm not sure if Tobi will ever have questions of his own. I pray that whatever questions he has, that the one he will never have to ask is "Am I loved?" Because, my little man, you are loved beyond measure! I do not have answers to the questions of the past, but I have great hope and anticipation for the future.